Men.

Boys. Dudes. Guys.

Hey.

There's something about you that keeps me interested - intrigued - no matter how many times I discover that most (if not all) of you aren't QUITE what I expected.

This post is about two things: The love I see men give. And the men I see.

Men, 2016 was quite a year for me and you - I went on my first date since my monstrous break-up in 2015, began to find people attractive again (after dreading being looked at, touched, or talked to by men for almost a YEAR!) and truly opened my heart back up to the idea of love!

And, come to find out, my idea of love was changed a LOT since I last experienced it (or what I thought IT was).

I've always seen love, at least the romantic kind, as something that keeps you bound, entrapped, and entwined with someone.

Turns out, that's simply not the case. There are many other things that can do that to a person: lust, need, co-dependency, passion, idealism, hope, desire, even fear. 

You don't STAY with someone just because you LOVE them. Love, and "being together" are NOT mutually exclusive. You can do them both without the other concept present. You can be with someone, and not love them. And you can love someone, and not be with them.

I think I had love confused with commitment. But, I've come to learn, they are two entirely separate phenomena.

And, men, I've learned that I desire much more from you than commitment. I desire wisdom, peace, strength, and a deep love for me that surpasses your need to be with me. The kind of love that sees what's truly BEST. The kind of love that is selfless enough to set aside passion, fear, hope, and need. The kind of love that is simple, strong, and freeing. If it works, stay. If it doesn't - let it go. That's loving. Love that denies the truth (sometimes the truth is: "this is never going to work") isn't REALLY love.

I've learned to appreciate men who are Strong. Sure. Humble. And . . . steady.

I've been surrounded by men who are passionate, but flighty. I've grown up in a community of men who are excited, full of life, and ever-changing and moving and thinking and pondering. And I of course learned to prefer that - I associated men who weren't like that with the word "boring".

Well.

That's changed now - I think part of being a man is combining humility and confidence. I have met men this year who are open about their fallible human nature, but are humble enough about it that they don't feel the need to be "perfect". But rather than wallowing in the knowledge that they are broken human beings, they carry on with life. Strongly pushing through the daily grind. Thinking fast on their feet. Realizing that life is brief, choices matter, but some choices matter more than others.

I've grown weary of the BOYS I know... who are caught in their heads. Entrapped in youthful mindsets of guilt, uncertainty, and this idea that the universe depends on their every thought and move. They don't make choices. They make circles of thought. They vacillate aimlessly. They overthink. They overtalk. They overpray, even... thinking themselves to death over a choice as simple as "should I ask her out".

MEN: you are, simply, men. You are not perfect. Your faith is not perfect. Your life is not perfect.

And none of that has to stop you from being wonderful, strong, loving. Steady.

Be humble, think on your feet, and LIVE A LITTLE. And for god's sake - LOVE people! No more of this complicated blend of logic and lust that drives you in relationships.

sometimes love looks like walking away.

sometimes it looks like staying forever.

sometimes it's making out all night long (and that is okay and that is allowed, by the way).

sometimes, it's ignoring texts and tears and pleading.

I think you KNOW what love is. . . I think it's simpler than we make it out to be.

So, anyway, here's a letter to all the men in life. Thanks to the ones who love simply and love well. And thanks to the ones who didn't, because I learned a ton from all the crap you gave me. And to the latter, I hope you learn to find that steadiness, that peace, that strength that transcends your insecurities and your flaws. I promise you'll sleep better at night when you do.