To the One Who Will Never Read This

     This is a "thank-you note" to one I know by many names.

          To the one I now call my abuser yet once called my guardian;

          my teacher;

          my friend;

          To the one who will never read this,

          To the one who broke my heart,

     Thank you. 

     Thank you for breaking my heart: as the people that love me are piecing it back together, I've seen parts of it - wonderful parts of it - that I didn't know existed until now. 

     Thank you for revealing to me my greatest flaws: insecurity, pride, fear. I'm working on them now.

     Thank you for showing me the complexity of evil and sin: your carefully presented image to the world reminds me now to question everything that seems "too good to be true". 

     Thank you for revealing the people who love me: it was the aftermath of YOU that showed me who was "in it for the long haul". Thanks. 

     Thank you for curing my naivety: I am sharp now - even my Meyer's Briggs changed. Thanks for the good judgement I now have so much more of.

     Thank you for teaching me that forgiveness has nothing to do with the people that hurt you: it has everything to do with releasing the idea that I'm guaranteed anything in this life from anyone other than myself and God.

     Thank you for crushing my spirit: it's coming back stronger than before, richer and thicker and unlikely to be trampled in that manner again. 

     Thank you for giving me something big enough, scary enough, and hard enough to prove to myself that I am strong, I am smart, I am resilient: I have seen first-hand the things I can overcome.

     Thank you for opening my eyes to the injustices and heartaches that nearly 4 million women and 1 in 5 children go through in this country: you've given me a new empathy for the victims of people like you.

     Thank you for showing me the opposite of love: real love is even better now.

     Thank you for strengthening my faith in God: despite the awful, manipulative way you used Christianity against me - you failed. Because here's how it works... as long as people like you exist in the world, I will need a loving God to turn to - and He has been there for me in the aftermath of you.

     Thank you for showing me that the truth REALLY WILL set me free: it wasn't until I experienced your pit of lies that I could find this out for myself. Now I know.

     Thank you for this hard, hard journey I've been on: it's a part of my story. A part of my victory. A part of me. 

     Thank you for all these things, and many more I'm sure I'll gain in time. 

     Sarah