The single girl.
We all know her.
We all love her.
We sometimes might even be her. *cough*
But do we UNDERSTAND HER???
HONEYYYYY NO! No we don't! The single girl is freakin' marginalized, man. It's a cryin' shame. The Utterly Misunderstood Single Girl is a book we ALL need to read, once I've written it, which won't take very long, because I'm SINGLE and therefore I have TIME to throw myself into my creative pursuits! *bursts into tears*
Which brings us to Reasons Single Girls Ain't Sad NUMBER ONE....homegirls got TIME!!!
TIME.
Dear family, friends, and homies: I'd like to start off by saying we do *not* have MORE time than anybody else, we just have more OPTIONS for what to do with those precious minutes. Boyfriends are an investment with very pleasing dividends (you give them your time, they buy you food** and sparkly things***), but honestly there are better things you could be working on, like maybe a novel, a pretty painting, a BACHELOR'S DEGREE, even a giant paper-mache man that you can bring with you to social events.
MONEY.
Beloved Readers, the amount of money I spent driving to and from A FREAKIN' MAN in my earlier years appalls me now. You know what those dimes could have bought me? Probably a coffee. Maybe a pack of gum. Honestly, my 401K has really suffered... BUT NOT ANYMORE! I now choose to squander my precious dollah signs on, well, whatever I want. Simon and Garfunkel Posters, copies of Good Housekeeping from 1978... you know. The important stuff.
FREEDOM OF SPEECH, AND WELL, EVERYTHING ELSE.
I used to have to, you know, "watch my mouth" around my ex-boyfriend. He got so irritated when all I ever did was complain and be utterly negative about my life! I have no idea why he was so freakin' sensitive... anyway, now I can rant, rave, ramble, and even swear. Because there ain't NOBODY listening, honey boo boo, nobody. *glances around empty room* And yeah I can also eat what I want, sleep how I want, do what I want, sob hysterically from loneliness whenever I want... it's great. Yeah. Super great.
FRIENDSHIP.
Before you jump to any conclusions that all my friends are single people too, let me just tell you: THEY ARE. Because we are all just really good at being friends. *tear slides down cheek* Honestly, I'm friends with single people because people in relationships always say annoying things like "sorry I can't hang out with you four days in a row, I need to spend time with SO-AND-SO." Pshhh. PSHH. Come on. I can't emotionally over-invest in people that have committed relationships because they have boundaries. HEH! Laaaaaame. They're missing out on this hot mess of emotional co-dependency! YOUR LOSS NOT-SINGLE PEOPLE, your loss****.
YOUR ENTIRE SELF.
Homegirl, you know what's better and/or more precious than all those things listed up yonder?
Youuuu.
And when you're single, you get to spend a lot of time with you yourself and you. It can lead to a lot. Epiphanies. Crises. Breakthroughs. Breakdowns. Meltdowns. Upswings. New starts.
And it's okay. Because you can't break up with yourself, and if there's anyone who knows you well enough to carry you through the journey of being you, it's... you. *sniff*
So please. Enjoy yourself. The day will come when you have to share yourself with another person, probably for the rest of your life, and probably when you don't always want to. So while you have this precious alone-time, make the most of it. Treat yourself. Challenge yourself. Humble yourself. AND PUMP YO-SELF UP BECAUSE GIIIIRRRRRRRLLLL, you are fiiine!
footnotes:
**If he doesn't buy you food, well. BREAK UP WITH HIM. BE SINGLE.
***If he doesn't buy you sparkly things, well. BREAK UP WITH HIM. BE SINGLE.
****Just do it already... *whispers maniacally* Breaaakkk uppp withhh himmmm
No comments:
Post a Comment