AULD LANG SYNE

"Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet, 

For auld lang syne."

Sit down, Robert Burns. It's my turn to talk.

The "New Year" has long been one of my favorite celebrations. The acknowledgment of the ever speedy passage of time -- the countdown to something "new" -- the stopping to assess our lives and think about where we are, where we want to be. 

All good things.

When 2016 was born in a flood of underage champagne consumption and some tears of hopefulness, it truly marked the start of something "new" for me. 2015 had been a year of horrors, despair, pain, and chaos. 2016, despite the world's disdain for it, was truly an AMAZING year for me, and by no fault of my own. Despite the fact I made leaps and bounds of growth and change over the course of twelve months, I actually started the year with only three resolutions: to blog throughout the year, to keep my closet more organized, and to not do anything drastic and regrettable to my hair. 

Well, I blogged (and people READ it)! And my hair survived a hectic year in a mostly virgin state (barely). And my closet is clean (at this exact moment in time)!

But those resolutions ('cept for blogging of course) are KIND OF LAME if you really think about them! My ability to analyze my life, critically evaluate my feelings on it, and to then wisely compile a list of concrete, achievable goals is, well, lacking. Do I only really care about a clean closet and a great haircut?! Oh, god, no. That's just the tip of the iceberg!

This New Year's, I'm struggling even more than usual with my resolutions. It's not that I can't SEE areas I should improve on -- of course, there is a plethora of things I don't like about myself -- I could be way cooler with a few modifications, don'tcha think?!?

But how to express these areas I wish to change... 

My 2017 Resolutions (at least the ones I have so far) are as vague as heck -

Keep Up the Good Work!
Don't Cry Over Boys!
Stay Positive!
Go to Therapy A Lot!

Okay, the last one is specific, but... I'm struggling with how to convert vague, intangible desires into concrete, achievable goals! I want to change myself in areas of mindsets, desires, and emotions... I want SO MANY FREAKING THINGS!

healthy relationships
an unclouded mind
a robust and secure self-esteem
a deep and understanding sympathy for the world 
a guarded heart
a simple and peaceful faith.
a graceful body and spirit
patience and gentleness
freedom and fearlessness.

How does a girl start off her year with all that penned into a handy list to follow?!

Maybe, she doesn't.

Maybe, she just keeps going. 

Maybe, she takes a breath at the start of the new year and just dives in. 

Because, the passage of time doesn't care about my lists, my plans, my hopes, my fears... time takes me every day just the same. A little bit of life is gone in exchange for a little bit of whatever I plant down in place of it. 

2017 is going to be good, EVEN IF IT SUCKS. 

Because every year is good. Every day is good. And I have to remind myself of this in order to deal with school, break-ups, the world news... 

Whatever happens to you is just what happens to you. 

Perhaps one of my resolutions for myself is to let go of some of my resolutions...

To kick back a little, while simultaneously buckling down a little.

Maybe if I laugh a little more, care a little less, and always push forward just the same... my year will rock. Just like it did this year, in beautiful 2016, and in last year, horrendous 2015, and every other year that's pushed me into the place I am now.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MY BEAUTIFUL FRIENDS!

To those of you that have made me laugh, cry, rejoice, think more, think less, kiss a lot, walk barefoot, rediscover email, read poetry, be strong, "be cool", and maybe even hurt a little... 

Thank you for helping me reach my unspoken and my UTMOST resolutions. To love, and to be loved.

Because without love, none of those other resolutions matter a bit.

so thank you.

friends,

i love you,

happy new year.