How to Make Friends and Then Slowly Drift Away from Them

Making friends is hard.

That's evident by the amount of friends I currently claim - around five! And I mean friends, as in people who really know me, care about me, and are with me in life...

Obviously, there are more than five people who know me well, and hopefully more than five people care about me, but not many of those people are with me. With me in the sense that I can pick up the phone, call them, and say "HEY!!! Starting my new job today, wish me LUCK!" and not have them require a 16 page backstory to figure out what I'm talking about.

Was it always this hard to make friends?

No.

Friends used to just sort of... happen. 

Friends were as much a part of life as losing teeth and watching your bangs grow out. I didn't consciously orchestrate friendship, it was just there.

I don't know what it was about these simpler days that made friendship such a "for granted" fact. Maybe kids are just better at friendship at adults. I don't know. I don't know what happens between ages 7 and 17 and that so vastly changes a person's ability to connect with others in a simple, meaningful way that truly affects their life. Because I know for me, it's gotten really hard.

There are so many people that were a huge part of my childhood and young life. People I saw every day. People that were part of the practice grounds where we learned how to love, gossip, hold grudges, have crushes, create inside jokes, argue, agree, relate, and change.

I'd like to bless you with some photos of me and the people that had the privilege of "being my friend" in my, well, AWKWARD YEARS. 

AND, Obviously, there are some of those friendships that have truly and deeply lasted...

But then, there's so many friendships that haven't. (See picture 2 for a good view of about, oh, FIVE PEOPLE WHO HATE MY GUTS NOW). 

And it's not a bad thing that I (along with the other party) eventually grew out of a lot of those relationships... is it?

WAIT WAIT WAIT. Back it up. Why do we even HAVE friends in the first place?!

Pretty much any two kids can play together, and find a way to make things work. Friendship is something they NEED. They need friends because they need playmates. They need someone to be the other action figure. Someone to be the other baby-doll mom. Someone to cook for in the play kitchen. For kids, it's just all part of play. 

But what is it for adults? Why do we need friends? I know for me, it's become quite complex. 

I need people to listen to me whine. People to hug me when I'm sad. People to make me laugh. People to support me in my scary choices. People to make me feel like I'm supportive. 

It's become so hard to make and maintain friendships, partly because existing seems to have become much harder. When I was a child, life was easy and friends were perks. Now that I'm grown, life is hard and friendships are another thing on the checklist. Work. 

That sucks though. I want to go back to the way it was before! Where we just had friends because we needed them to make our fun funner. You know, like.... CAMP FRIENDS!

Relationships are different now that I'm out of high school and I'm not "friends by obligation" with the people around me. The places I've met "friend material" people have surprised me. Camp. Work. Class. The Internet. People I met at military bases. People I meet at concerts. Friends of friends. Bible studies. Church. Moms of kids I babysit. Etc. Etc. 

And while I don't always find "friends" out of these people, every now and then someone ends up sticking, and a beautiful friendship is formed. 

So... what was I trying to get at here?

Oh yeah. Friendship isn't as simple as used to be. 

It's quite hard. And I think that's a direct result of how complicated life and myself have become. 

But it's okay, because I still have a few friends.

THE END.