Oops.

Well, I woke up this morning on my uncle's pull-out sofa to the sounds of my dad snoring on the upper level of the open floor-plan apartment, the dogs' toes tapping on the tile floor, and the muffled sounds of people on the sidewalk. I could see their feet and ankles go by from the tiny basement window by my sofa dwelling.  I haven't written on here in over a week, and that's totally not how I planned this to go. I actually have been really getting some great views and feedback on this blog, and had a lot of posts I'd planned on putting up this week.

Then, my cousin Jimmy passed away and I came with my dad to Philadelphia to stay with my Uncle Charlie for a few days, and we've been driving to and from New Jersey every day to see my aunt and cousins. This trip was not expected, but I'm so glad I was able to come up here to be supportive of not only my dad, but my other family members, most of whom I haven't seen in upwards of SIX YEARS!! My darling cousin's daughters have grown a lot in that time, they're young ladies now and not little kids. I even have a brand new cousin who I got to meet for the first time this week. That was so special. It's strange to hold a baby and realize you share so much with her, like a grandmother and all your cousins and that her dad once held me when I was that small. The concept of family can be overwhelming, especially when you've lived so long in only your nuclear family pod. What does family even mean when you never see them, hardly know them, and are so vastly different from them? I've been pondering that thought as I reconnect with my uncles, aunts,  and cousins.

It's been a very emotional week, obviously everyone is mourning the sad passing of my cousin, but there's also something emotional about how death makes you reevaluate your own life. For me, this week has been filled with deep introspection and wrestling. My cousin Jimmy was so young, he hadn't even reached thirty. It really gives me pause. If I knew I had less than a decade left of life, what would change in my plans? Would I spend half that time just finishing my education? I go down the path of doubt and worry. I have to stop myself and remember that we are given each day by itself for a reason. Today, I have February 6th, 2016, and that is all I have. Whatever I do today, be it school, work, seeing friends, family, or strangers-- I need to do those things to the best of my abilities and with a balanced perspective of "I don't know how many tomorrows I have, but I want to set myself up for the best tomorrows possible by being the best I can today!".

Soon, I go back to my life in North Carolina, and while yes I'm bringing back a few corny "Philadelphia: City of Brotherly Love" t-shirts, I'm also bringing back some wisdom and perspective from these few days spent with family and the concepts of life and death.