On "Being Alone"

It's been almost HALF A YEAR (!!) since I've been...

1. In school
2. In a relationship
3. In a really messed up mind-set!

I've been home, and alone, for almost six months. And LET ME TELL YA. I've come to know the true beauties of being "alone". What do I MEAN by "being alone" you ask?? I'LL TELL YOU!

I don't just mean being in a dating relationship. I mean being mentally and emotionally self-sufficient. Sometimes, even close friendships can become so intense that they take away some of the mental and emotional solitude that we experience when we aren't so caught up in the thoughts and needs of those around us.

So, even though I was single for almost all of high school, I wasn't often "alone" in the sense that I almost always had SOMEONE that was of such strong interest to me that they (intentionally or not) controlled a lot of my thoughts, feelings, and even actions. Boys for one things-- but even my close BFF relationships were SOOO influential on my opinions, my interests, etc.

For the first time in a LONG time, I'm REALLY on my own. I have friends, yes, and very close ones too... but I've reached a place where I don't over-emphasize the relationship in my head. I suppose I've become less susceptible to changing "who I am" for another person. Maybe that's all I mean. I just know that it's really kind of scary to all of a sudden feel so emotionally isolated, but it's been SO good for me! I've taken several steps back from everyone in my life (expect my parents, I feel much closer to them now), and while I spend more and more time with some of my dear friends, I also can keep my emotional-self inside myself more and more. There's a healthy balance between being close with others, and still preserving a strong emotional privacy policy.

But all that to say, I'm feeling so good about doing life on my own right now, and while I often make silly comments about being "forever alone" and probably sound totes desperate...

I'm NOT! I'm doing great. Thanks for asking. =)