Appropriate Emoji Use (A Seminar with Sarah Kane)

1. The Basic Smiley

   
This all-purpose emoji is safe for use in any conversation with any level of friend!
Tension Level: 0*
Risk Factor: 0
Best Uses: Your mom, guys you really don't want to go out with
Pairs well with: thumbs up

2. The Grimacing Smiley

    

Use this emoji to express discomfort and uncertainty without coming across too strong!
Tension Level: 0.7
Risk Factor: 1
Best Uses: Your boss, people in your group projects
Pairs well with: crying face

3. The Winky Face



Exercise caution when deploying this emoji. The Winky Face has extreme powers of flirtation and ambiguity. When used correctly, it CAN drive people to the point of insanity.
Tension Level: 48
Risk Factor: 29
Best Uses: THOSE friends, people you find attractive, siblings
Pairs well with: kissy face, shades face

4. The Kissy Face


This emoji is powerful, though in a less threatening way than the winky face.
Tension Level: 18
Risk Factor: 21
Best Uses: BFFS, people you want to torture with the power of suggestion, your mom
Pairs well with: Heart eyes, ring emoji

5. Heart Eyes



This emoji... sigh. Use this for special people, and anyone you want to make feel special for your own devious purposes of manipulation. 
Tension level: 4
Risk Factor: 4
Best Uses: people you feel committed to, coworkers that cover for you, your mom
Pairs well with: kissy face, winky face**

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

Be careful out there with your emojis. Improper emoji use has led to many of our current generational problems. I'd like to caution you against emoji abuse. Especially with emojis of a sensitive nature, including but not limited to:

Winky Face
Heart Eyes
Dancing Salsa Girl***
Passive Aggressive Smiley



Footnotes:

*The Basic Smiley may look similar to Passive Aggressive Smiley. It all depends on context. They may be the same image but they do NOT carry the same meaning! Carefully over-analyze your messages before determining whether this emoji is Basic Smiley or Passive Aggressive.

**USE CAUTION WHEN PAIRING THE WINKY FACE AND HEART EYES. This combination is completely safe only with BFFS. Your mom may not understand it, causing undue amounts of explanation, and any potential partners may get IDEAS and ask for CLARIFICATION. BEWARE!!!

***This one: