Hallelujah! SHE HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD!

Today, for a pleasant change, I write this from... my bed. (So no change.)

SURPRISE!

But-- it's not my deathbed anymore. There's still a slight vibe of death and decay in here, I suppose I should open the blinds sometime, but something groundbreaking happened today.

I. Breathed. Through. Both. Nostrils!

*applause* Thank you, thank you! *curtsies* I'd like to thank Vick's Vaporub, and also my family, for not murdering me in my sleep after keeping them up all week with my horrendous cough!

So, how have I been celebrating my new-found health? I started watching Gilmore Girls, OBVIOUSLY. Truth be told, I've avoided even considering it as an option, because a pooper of a person in my past told me it was stupid. (Well, now we know how seriously I take HIS opinion.) Now, I like this show! It's some nice light viewing for me while I sit in bed wrapped in a towel and give myself a scalp massage. (Oh, and stare at the piles of half-sorted laundry on my floor, dreaming of the day when I'll make that treacherous hike up the basement stairs to the washer and dryer.)

So, enough about my pathetic reality, what kind of useless thoughts are running through your head today, Sarah?

Well, Sarah, since you asked.. *hair flip* honestly... not much...

SARE-RUH! You mean to tell me you've had four days of sitting in your bed on drugs and you don't have ANY DEEP THOUGHTS?

....Yeessh. TBH, I lost five pounds this week, and I think it's all brain cells. LAAAAME!

So what productive, useful things do I plan on doing today? Well I'll tell you. This isn't going to be easy. But I've got to do it. Today,

I'M GOING TO PUT ON PANTS.

I know! I know. It might be too much. Maybe I'm an overachiever. Maybe I'm pushing myself too hard. But I don't play this game called life half-heartedly. Go big or go back to bed, that's what I say. And I've had way too much time sitting naked on my bed using my pants as a really lumpy neck pillow. It's time. Time to put on pants.

Pray for me, it's been too long since denim-- or even a soft, forgiving form of cotton-- touched these ghastly white limbs. This may ruin my day. But it also could make it so much better. For instance... I'll be able to go upstairs and make sure my family is still alive. There's good things up there. Like a fridge. And windows... Pants are my ticket to the real world.

I'M PUTTING ON PANTS!

PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS!

Welcome back to the real world, Sarah Kane. Welcome back.