As my junior year of college looms, I've been putting a lot of thought into my future career, and whether or not I really DO want to go into the world of business. Frankly, there's a whole universe of job options out there, and I think it's important to keep a realistic, yet optimistic view, of your potential in the working world.
Here are a few career paths you might not have entertained, but that I think are great options to consider alongside your film, sociology, or women's studies majors. You know. Just in case.
1. Crazy Goat Lady
This is my go-to option in case finance doesn't work out. Imagine - a little bungalow in the woods. All appears normal. You walk through the quaint, creaky house and approach the back porch. Upon opening of the door to the deck, however, you are met with a giant swarm of goats! Because you are a crazy goat lady. You have goats. BUT REALLY, this could be a goat sanctuary. You could sell goats' milk products and weave yourself wild scarves out of goat fur, you could walk your goats downtown on a hand-woven leash, meanwhile attracting undue attention to your eccentricity. It's a no-brainer.
2. Foliage Translator
How many times have you walked the streets of your town and thought: "those bushes are so quiet". Well, if we are supposed to be a voice for those who have no voice, I can think of no better calling than to give a voice to your local foliage! It's a relatively simple job. You stand by bushes (or trees, or weeds - whatever!) and wait for a passerby to approach. "Excuse me, sir, The Bush has something to say!" *wiggles fingers inside the bush, caresses leaves gently, shuts eyes tightly* "The Bush is pleased with you! The Bush says you will have good fortune today." This career is especially needed in our local area, Asheville.
3. Dressing Room Mentor
Hello, my name is Sarah and I'm here to offer you a free psychological assessment while you try on your clothes! Unlike the typical office set-up where your clients would be seated across from you, in this non-traditional format, the psychologist has their own office inside one dressing room cube and communicates via very loud talking to patients that are in their own, private stalls. Trying on clothes is the perfect time to delve into mental, emotional, and even spiritual issues as your clients are already at their most vulnerable state. Self-esteem issues especially are able to be addressed in this setting. "Now, how does it to feel to no you can no longer fit in a size 4? Okay, and have you come to peace yet about being a size 8? WAIT ARE YOU CRYING?! Here's a tissue *passes tissue under dressing room partition*"
4. Produce Selection Assistant
Imagine how convenient it would be if you sent your husband to the store and somehow he came home with perfect, ready-to-eat avocados, EVERY TIME! No more worrying that your boyfriend will come home with overripe cantaloupe or unripened kiwis that he grabbed willy-nilly! NO. Fret no more, because a well-trained, detail-oriented Produce Selection Assistant will be there to feel that fruit for him. If you're interested in this field, I recommend shadowing a veteran shopper at your local supermarket. If you see an older, well-dressed lady squeezing a variety of fruits and vegetables - follow her. Make notes. Take pictures. Learn all you can. This job is about more than fruit. This job will save marriages.
5. Prince Harry Stalker
If you want to be rich, this job is not for you. Much like art majors, being a Prince Harry Stalker is its own reward. It's to be done for the love of the craft, not the monetary gain. This job is wonderful because it includes lots of traveling, mainly in Europe! Now, while this position can be research intensive, it also includes looking at A LOT of pictures of Prince Harry - so that should help make the time fly. All in all, this career is a great blend of travel, research, and sometimes screaming and crying while Buckingham Palace guards drag you away. It's definitely one to write home about, and the good news is that you don't even need a college degree! In fact, I recommend taking your 50,000 dollars you were going to spend on a degree and putting it towards your airfare to England!
I hope you were inspired by these alternative career options. Be sure to keep an open mind as you go through college, because there ARE plenty of job opportunities that might have gotten overlooked by your advisors. THIS IS YOUR LIFE, kids. Take control. Find the career that fits you.
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