I conducted this interview back in April when I took a trip with my dad down to Moody Air Force Base. We had a six-ish hour drive, so what better to do in the car than an interview, right?! Thanks, daddy, for that wonderful trip, and also for this really memorable interview! I learned a lot about you and I'm glad I have your answers written down for the history books.
Me: How are you, Mr. Kane?
Daddy: I'm very well, thank you.
Me: I'm excited for the people who read my blog to get to know you.
Daddy: Oh boy...
Me: So let's jump right in!
Daddy: Let's do that.
On "childhood and background".
Me: How are you different from your parents/upbringing?
Daddy: Where do I start.... My mother was uneducated, abused, poor... she was foolish in many ways, God rest her soul. She made very very bad decisions with men, so her whole life was filled with strife and trouble. Now, my father: as the baby of his family, he was spoiled. He was selfish, self-centered. Now, I'm maybe confident, and sometimes cocky, but not self-centered. He was a braggart. My father wasn't able to keep any relationships. He was always SEARCHING for something, and he never found it. And then he died, and that was that.
Me: Bummer.
Daddy: We're worlds apart, me and my parents. Universes apart. But I try to understand the way they were raised, and what made them that way. You have to try to understand, or you're just as bad as them.
Me: How would people in high school have described you?
Daddy: Well, guys would have found me "okay", they would have said that I was funny, friendly, some of them might say I was smart... and the ladies would have found me courteous, and interesting because I spoke differently. I had two high schools - one in Philly, and one in California. In Philly I was just one of the guys. But in California, I spoke with an east-coast accent which was interesting to them. And they voted me "Most Likely To Succeed" in the yearbook that year!
Me: Are there any questions you regret not asking your parents?
Daddy: Sure. I would like to know why they didn't stay together. Why they divorced, why my father went away for ten years. For my mother, why she kept making bad decisions about nasty men. Yeah.
Me: Wow. Those are sad.
Daddy: *shrugs* It is what it is.
Me: Was there ever a turning point for you in your life?
Daddy: I've had a few! One day, out of the blue, the phone rang at my mother's house, and it was my father, who I didn't remember because he left when I was five. So he called, and I answered the phone. And no one ever called me "Tommy Kane Junior" so I freaked out and hung the phone up. He called back, and I made my friend Frankie answer the phone because I thought someone was playing a really nasty joke! And Frankie said, "No. I think it's your father. You better take the phone," and I took the phone, and I actually collapsed onto the floor against the refrigerator. Some time later, we met. And then, my sister and I went to California with him.
And that was a MAJOR turning point because that was my first time I flew on a plane, stayed in a hotel, ate at a decent restaurant - basically, I found out what life had to offer. I went from a difficult situation with nasty people, basically fighting every day to survive - to, well, it felt like - heaven. From inner-city white trash to middle-class America, L.A. style.
On "Family" and "The Future".
Me: How did you propose to my mother?
Daddy: In a pretty crappy way. I just said, "Do ya wanna get married?" She said, "yes," and we eloped. And here we are, 28 years later. Scarred, beat-up, with a few regrets. But not about us getting married. I think it's awesome.
Me: How did you find out my mom was pregnant with me?
Daddy: Weeeellll, let's see. We were talking about having a baby, and, you know how your mom is, she's very detailed. She had it all calculated. For a while, nothing worked. Then one day she told me she was pregnant, and I was like "Wow! Really?" and it didn't really sink in. I was like, "I did it?!"
Me: If a young man came to you and said he wanted to date one of your daughters what would you ask him?
Daddy: I would probably say, "This young lady is more precious to me than anything, and I would not be a happy guy if I found out you weren't being a gentleman and being caring and kind. If you aren't, say, opening the door for her and being the chivalrous guy you're supposed to be, well, I'm not afraid to go back to prison." I would want to know if he thinks my daughter is a "fling" because that doesn't work for me. I'd want to ask, "Are you looking down the road? What are you doing with your life? Is my daughter a part of that life?" I'd want to know about his family, too, because that speaks something about his future - are his parents together, is he from a loving family? I don't care if he's some mega-successful guy in business or money, but is he successful in his relationships?
Me: How do you define love?
Daddy: Love is a verb. Love is this thing that's in motion. It's not a static thing that stands in front of you when you're getting married and says "I do." It's always evolving - it's fluid and moving and changing. You can taste it and feel it but you can't define it. You can't say to someone else, "this is MY definition of love, so get with it!" because theirs may be different. But my definition is that it's a thing you have to harness and hold on to, a thing that you need to try to understand so you can protect it. Woah. I got way out there.
Me: So... where do you see yourself in ten years?
Daddy: Uhh, if I have it my way, which is highly unlikely... hopefully I'll be semi-retired, hanging with your mom, maybe traveling, seeing some of the places we would like to see, maybe more of Europe. Maybe we'll be seeing you and Olivia getting your careers underway, meeting nice guys, maybe in that ten year period you'll tell us we'll have grandchildren coming... you know. All the things that the cycle of life brings you. I'm looking forward to those things.
Me: If you could only be remembered for one of your many accomplishments, which one would you pick?
Daddy: That I loved my wife.
On music, emotions, and life in general.
Me: Would you rather be the president of the United States or the world's greatest rock musician (who's British)?
Daddy: Why would I have to British?
Me: Well... most of them are.
Daddy: No they're not!
Me: They are!
Daddy: Some of them are, but there's loads of them from Australia and the U.S. and Canada! Are you kidding me? Where was ACDC from?
Me: Mmmmm....
Daddy: Australia.
Me: I knew that.
Daddy: So I'd rather be the rock-and-roll star than president. That's more my speed. The thing about being president is that you're president for four or eight years and then you're... well...
Me: History?
Both: *explode in laughter*
Daddy: Yep. But the Rolling Stones, man, they've been rocking out for fifty years! I think it's awesome.
Me: If you could join any band ever, which one would you join?
Daddy: Aww man. That's a tough one. MAN! I would probably join Queen. But then there's the Beatles, duh. Bon Jovi, also. Oh, and Boston. So there's a few.
Me: What kind of things make you cry?
Daddy: Hungry children. Hurt animals. Moments in movies and books that are touching and relevant.
Me: Okay, so what kind of things give you the creeps?
Daddy: Creepy people. Terror movies.
Me: Terror movies...?
Daddy: Uhhh... you know, spirit stuff. Dark stuff. Devil movies.
Me: What is one thing you really wanted from life that you haven't gotten (yet)?
Daddy: I mean, I don't hunger for anything I don't already have. I'm not that guy. I don't have these fantasies of what I should or could be. Think about this, Sarah: I came from the inner-city, I was poor, standing in line for welfare and WIC, collecting milk and cheese so we could eat - always worrying about being evicted - which we were, many times. So I went from that to having what many people would view as success: I have a successful family. You and your sister are phenomenal! Your mom and I, we like each other; we love each other. We like holding hands, we like going to dinner together. After thirty years of being together, these things still give us a "charge". So people would look at that, they'd also see we've made millions of dollars, owned nice houses and cars... People would wonder what more could we want?
If I stop and think about it, there's two things: I'd like to be more physically fit, and I'd like to learn to play an instrument. I've had success in business, I've traveled the world - I have great kids and a great wife, and look at us - here we are, traveling together! I have a ton of freedom, and I've been very fortunate. Our family has, really.
Closing advice from my dad, the man.
Me: For the most part, my blog readers are young, aimless people. What's one piece of advice you'd give them in trying to find their place in the world?
Daddy: Well, I'm a high school drop. But I've been very fortunate in that most jobs I've applied for, I've gotten. One thing I'd say to young people today is that they have far, far too many choices. I didn't have a choice, I've been hungry; I've lived in my car. It's not fun. It makes you find a way. Young people need to stop WAITING just because they can. They need to just make a choice, even if it's not perfect and it's uncomfortable. Take control of your life. Even if your parents allow you to be dependent, just get out there. See, Eagles push their baby eaglets out of the nest and they're like "you fly or you die, buddy." But parents today don't do that. Even if the kids are ready! It's time to soar like the eagles, kids, or else you're gonna be stuck hanging with the turkeys.
I love you, daddy! Thanks for everything.
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