Vulnerability: EW NO!

Awkward topic, but lately I've been having some trouble with... well... something every girl has.

Yes.

THE V WORD.

Vulnerability, obviously.

*long scream of anguish*

Vulnerability, OH NO! It's what we are all trying to avoid!

Personally, I have a large number of things on my "vulnerability prevention" list. It all starts when I wake up in the morning and hastily feel around my bathroom counter for my under-eye concealer. Then, I check my Instagram and delete any posts that, well, didn't get enough likes the day before to be worthy of keeping. *embarrassed laugh* And thennnnnn, I get dressed in clothes that don't make me look like I'm "trying too hard" (even though I'm trying so, so hard) and then I start with the most basic, and yet most crucial social interactions of the day: texting people!

Now maintaining your unassailable, bulletproof invulnerability through your texting relationships requires skillful calculations on an appropriate amount of time to wait before replying to a message. And when you DO answer, there's a level of casual flippancy you need to maintain, or else you might sound DESPERATE (and even if you, like me, are TOTALLY desperate, we do NOT want anyone to know!).

For instance, here's an example of how NOT to respond to texts:

Friend: Hey do yuo want hang out later
You: OMG IM SO LONELY YESSS!! Can we hang out right now?! I'm not doing anything!!! I've actually been waiting for someone to text me all day yes let's hang out, and we can hang out tomorrow too even because I'm free then too and I like hanging out with you sooooo much!

This reply, no matter how honest, is, unfortunately, going to make you vulnerable. And what are we trying to avoid? VULNERABILITY! YEAH!

Hopefully, you've caught on by now to the fact that I'm being bitterly sarcastic and I'm actually going to talk about how greeeeaaaat vulnerability is. Wasn't sure how to transition into that, so, consider this your transition:

*swirly windchime music dooo dooo doooooooloolololollllooooo*

The "V word" freaks us out. And rightly so, because duh - the word itself means "at risk of being totally hurt and hating yourself for your choices later" (definition from "Real Life Definitions of Words" by Sarah Kane, page 67) and that doesn't sound good, does it?

But, here's some made-up Sarah Kane philosophy for ya:

When you change yourself (your words, your looks, your actions) to better cater to those around you in order to AVOID vulnerability (aka the posibility of rejection!) you have already been rejected.

BY:

YOU!

You've rejected yourself before anyone has a chance to! And that's a shame. You've lost a bit of your genuine, real self... for what purpose? Because it puts you at risk of rejection? So you reject it anyway? THAT MAKES SENSE.

NOT!

What if, instead of rejecting parts of ourselves that scare us, we OWN them. That way, if those things DO get rejected by people around us, it won't matter (much). Because those things have already been acknowleged, accepted, and OWNED by the one person who really decides if they're important! You, ya dummy.

Personally, I've got some qualities (and stories) that make me feel vulnerable, but it's been incredibly freeing to me to show myself compassion in those departments. That way, when I DO share with people, I do in a sense become vulnerable, but not negatively, by focusing only on the fact that I can be totally trampled and rejected - more in the sense that I have opened a door for someone to come into the hard places and accept them with me. And if they can't do that, then they had their chance and they should probably not be given a free annual membership to the "Sarah Kane's Deep Thoughts And Honest Stories" club.

And that's their loss. We having a party up in here.

So, to close this very rambly blog, I hope you find people that you can share your vulnerablities with. The first person being yourself.