Conversations With Fate

May 17th, 2015 

Me: hey there Fate, I was just stopping by to see what I'm going to be up to this coming year.
Fate: *leans over crystal ball* well it's quite a year!!! Looks like you get a boyfriend, get your driver's license, and go to prom... Oh wait.... That's your sister. *nervous laugh* HERE you are... Oh... Hmm. Okay. What do you want to know?
Me: well, just give me the basic run-down.
Fate: okay, well...
Me: is it bad?
Fate: um
Me: okay... I go to Agnes Scott in August, right?
Fate: yess
Me: and... I have a great year there right?
Fate: well... Actually you leave in September.
Me: THE FRICK?! No way! You liar!
Fate: LOOK YOU SIGNED THIS FORM *waves form* WHICH MEANS I, FATE, AM NOT HELD LIABLE FOR YOUR EMOTIONS! Shut up and sit down!
Me: *sits down* well ok but I'm not happy about this.
Fate: *adjusts turban* sounds like a personal problem.
Me: okay, so where am I in October?
Fate: applying to UNCA.
Me: gross! And November?
Fate: youuuuuuuu start working at target.
Me: oh my god.
Fate: *squints into crystal ball* December, you turn twenty! Congrats. You celebrate it with a mini ice cream at your friend Kathryn's house.
Me: hmm. Ok. January?
Fate: target fires you. UNCA does too.
Me: geez!
Fate: February.... Well. It's not a good month for you. Let's just say you discover vodka, your cousin dies, and you start working... Well... At the YMCA.
Me: WEIRD. What about March?!
Fate: you fall in and out of love with someone all in the course of two weeks!
Me: intense! I get a rebound?! Wow. Okay. April?
Fate: you tell your life story to a room full of people you've known for a month, you travel to a military base in Georgia to take a plane apart, and - hey - your semi-successful blog starts making money! Congrats, girl!
Me: damn!
Fate: and then, there's May.
Me: WHAT HAPPENS IN MAY?! Oh I know. I go back to Lutheridge to be a counselor again.
Fate: *wags finger negatively* no no no
Me: whhhhhhhhat?!
Fate: in May, you find yourself sleeping on a basement floor with your best friend and her mom and crying. A lot.
Me: sounds therapeutic.
Fate: oh, it will be.
Me: so... June?
Fate: *shrugs* sorry kid, I only have a 12 month projection field.
Me: well... Can I ask you one more question?
Fate: I don't know, CAN you?
Me: ... Am I... Will I be... Happy?
Fate: *guffaws* oh child. That was never up to me. That's YOUR call. *starts packing up crystal ball*
Me: WAIT! One more.
Fate: HASTE! There are other angsty girls waiting to shake their firsts at me, I have a very tight schedule.
Me: Do I make that call? *anxiously strains to peek at crystal ball* Do I choose to be happy?
Fate: *closes crystal ball bag authoritatively* CHILD!
Me: I HAVE TO KNOW!
Fate: *throws arms in the air in frustration* YES! Yes you little pest, YOU ARE HAPPY! There! You're so freaking happy, grateful, and content that it's sickening! Get over it!
Me: yay thank you fate! Sorry for bugging you!
Fate: *walking out the door* Prince dies.
Me: WHAT?!
Fate: *voice fading in the distance* Serves you right, you little control freak! Enjoy thinking about THAT for the next eleven months! *muttering as she gathers her skirts and struts away*