By popular demand, here is the application you'll need to complete if you want to be my friend. Send completed applications to besarahsfriend@gmail.com or simply copy and paste the form into the comments below. The review process is very rigorous, and of course due to a high volume of applications it may take 7 to 14 business day for me to get back to you. Thanks for applying to be Sarah's friend!
Part One: Personality type
Agree or Disagree
1. I consider myself a bitter, grumpy cynic.
2. My thought process looks similar to someone attempting to cook a four-course meal with only a microwave and one spoon.
3. I cry anywhere between 2 and 17 times a week.
4. I am not opposed to being emotionally intimate with someone described as a "hot mess".
5. The concept of romance simultaneously excites and disgusts me.
Please list your favorite song to cry to while driving around at night.
Part Two: Coffee preferences and diet
Agree or Disagree
1. Emotional calories are just as important as physical calories.
2. "Sugar-free" options are a paradox and a sacrilege.
3. Dunkin Donuts is better than Starbucks but both are perfectly acceptable at all times.
Please describe your favorite beverage.
Part Three: Interests
Agree or Disagree
1. I prefer an ambling pace to more rigorous activities like running.
2. Nature is best when experienced in 4-hour segments or less.
3. Observing people is often more rewarding than interacting with them.
4. Humor is more important than honesty (except when personal safety is involved).
5. Laying on the floor and staring at the ceiling can sometimes be a form of yoga, aka, fitness.
Please describe your favorite way to waste time and avoid productivity.
Good luck!
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