Things Always Work Out (Sometimes, Maybe)

Well, once again, I wish I could turn off my stress response. Why am I always freaking out?! I freaked out about having my wisdom teeth out, and here I am, doing so freakishly well afterwards that it's confusing people. (Like, I don't even have much swelling, and barely any pain?!) I freaked out about what to do after my Target job ended, and here I am three weeks later, with another job that I'll formally start on Tuesday. I freaked out to no end about taking the semester off, and here it is all working out for the best in more ways that I could have foreseen.

And YOU KNOW WHAT? I could have predicated all those things would work out, because logically, they're all very minor things that are almost impossible to screw up. Yet, I worried. And I still do! I worry that now my job won't pay me enough. That I'll develop dry socket and die. That I'll get out of my school groove and feel like a freshman again in the fall.

But worry and stress are so pointless. My life is headed in such a positive, healthy direction at the moment, yet I still choose to sit here and pick it apart. I'd love to know what you guys do to keep stress in check, because lately I feel absolutely CONSUMED with worry, and it seems no amount of yoga, art, or prayer can keep the nagging doubts from being there in the back of my mind. I've been told by a trained professional that it's PTSD from the last (rough) year keeping my immune system and my nervous system completely out of whack in a state of shock and paranoia, but that sounds so...

bad.

I just want to get back to the place I was my junior year of high school, where I was very content with my job, school, social life, spiritual life, and frankly, MYSELF!

I know I'll get there again. And having just mind-vomited all that onto this blog page actually helped me gain back a little perspective. My life...is... WONDERFUL. Seriously, I am so lucky, so blessed, and so set-up for a fantastic future. Mostly importantly, even if I wasn't all those things, I have a God who cares about me and has a plan for me no matter how off course things FEEL or SEEM. Things are great, it's my shoddy little human brain that is making things weird and sad.

*reflects on all her reflecting*

Geez Sarah, you're a mess, why are you putting this on the internet?!

BECAUSE THIS IS MY CORNER OF THE INTERNET AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT OVER HERE! *throws confetti all over her blog* AND I DON'T CARE IF IT'S BAD BECAUSE I NEED THIS! IT MAKES ME FEEL REAL AND ALIVE TO WRITE AND BE READ BY YOU SELECT FEW DEARS WHO VISIT ME! Thanks for coming to my Blahg again. Sorry it's narcissistic mumbo-jumbo about 89 percent of the time! I LOVE YOU!! BLAHHH!!